I was making goan fish curry the other day – one of my favorites. It’s a very simple recipe, yet a bit tricky. The gravy started thickening slowly, the aroma of curry leaves, garlic, and ground spices filling the kitchen. The curry was looking rich with the color of turmeric and the tang of kokum. It looked ready, but I paused. Should I add the fish now? Because if I add the fish too early, it’ll break.
And if I let it wait too long, it won’t soak in the flavor.
That one decision of when to add the fish, decides everything.
The perfect Goan curry isn’t just about the ingredients. It’s about timing, temperature, and trust. You need to sense when the base is ready. Know when the heat should lower. Recognize when to leave things untouched. Understand when to simply wait.
The Leadership Parallel
It reminded me that Leadership, like a well-made Goan fish curry, is a dance between action and restraint.
For example, giving feedback is never easy, especially when it is developmental or sensitive. Over the years, I’ve realized that the timing makes the difference between feedback that transforms and feedback that tears down. I’ve learned it the hard way – through trial, reflection, and a few burns in the process.
I have often encountered situations where I had to give feedback to underperformers. They were already demotivated and defensive. I could have delivered it straight and finished it. However, I believe it’s important to first spend a little time understanding their fears. It’s also crucial to recognize their triggers. That said, the feedback must be given promptly. Allow just enough time for the ‘gravy’ to settle before adding the ‘fish.’ This way, it lands softly without being delayed too long. This approach has worked well for me and for the receivers, helping the feedback land constructively and without defensiveness.
We often assume high performers don’t need feedback. If they do need it, we think giving feedback to them is easy. After all, they’re results-oriented and usually receptive. But even the best ingredients can be ruined if the timing is off. A fish curry needs the freshest fish and spices to absorb the flavors. They cannot be left out too long or added too early. Feedback also needs the right moment. I faced this with a brilliant team member whose results were stellar but whose arrogance was slowly alienating the team. The temptation was to avoid the tough conversation for fear of demotivating them. I waited for the right moment and when the trust was high, I spoke honestly about attitude. It wasn’t easy, but it worked. The team noticed the shift. So did the individual.
Sensing Readiness – Up, Down, and Across
For me, giving feedback has never been only downward. Many a times, I had to do that upward as well. And for both, timing and pre preparation is critical. I remember two very distinct moments with senior leaders. One would routinely arrive late to meetings, keeping the team waiting. Another would stay glued to their laptop or mobile during appraisal discussions. They were my bosses. Most of us would have quietly accepted this. But I chose a different approach.
For the late-coming, I let it slide a couple of times. It was like allowing a new spice to mingle in the pot before deciding if the flavor works. I then chose to handle the habit of arriving late gently. I said, “In our workshops, lateness comes with chocolate duties.” Consider this your friendly reminder to bring the premium ones if you’re late again!” Delivered with humor, the message was clear and well-received, and punctuality and communication improved tremendously.
In the midst of a meeting with the “glued-to-device” boss, I paused once. I spoke respectfully but firmly. I said, “I’ll continue when you can give this conversation your full attention.” This matters to me. Uncomfortable, but honest. I avoided gossiping or complaining about this to anyone. As a result, I earned their respect. That person also ensured the behavior didn’t happen again, not just with me, but with anyone else.
Much like preparing a Goan fish curry, leadership requires timing, tact, and the right balance. You don’t dump all the spices in at once. You let flavors develop. You adjust and then serve at the right temperature. Addressing sensitive issues works the same way. You need a little patience. The right seasoning of humor and honesty is also important. The result is a team that respects both the process and the person leading it.
Balancing Friendship and Leadership
Timing isn’t just about feedback or heat; it’s also about relationships. Over the years, I’ve learned how crucial it is to balance friendship with accountability. I’ve had bosses who were also good friends. They taught me that closeness can coexist with high expectations. This balance is possible only if boundaries are clear.
I apply the same principle with my own teams. I cultivate trust, camaraderie, and warmth. At the same time, I make it crystal clear that friendship does not mean leniency. Expectations, performance, and accountability still come first.
Sometimes, people test that boundary, perhaps unintentionally. When it happens, timing is key. That’s the time to give instant, clear feedback. Do this not in anger, but in a way that re-establishes the boundary. This manages expectations. By addressing it immediately, both the relationship and the results are preserved.
Knowing when to be approachable and when to be firm requires balance. It’s like adding the fish at just the right moment in a Goan curry. If added too early or too late, it could break. Handled with care and timing, it strengthens the dish – and the team.
Respecting Fragility and Building Trust
Fish is delicate. Handle it too much, and it falls apart.
So are people.
True leadership is not about constant stirring. It is about creating safety. Even in the heat, this safety allows people to hold their shape. A team thrives because of trust. Its strength lies in the quiet confidence that their leader knows when to step back.
Once you add the fish, you don’t stir. You let it rest, letting the flavors blend and settle.
Leaders, too, must resist the urge to “keep checking.” Let trust do its work.
Goan Fish Curry Recipe
Serves: 4 | Prep Time: 15 mins | Cook Time: 20 mins
Ingredients:
- 500g firm white fish (like kingfish, pomfret, or seer) – cut into chunks
- 2 tbsp coconut oil
- 1 large onion, finely chopped
- 1 tsp mustard seeds
- 2-3 curry leaves
- 2 cloves garlic, minced
- 1-inch ginger, minced
- 2 green chilies, slit
- 1 tsp turmeric powder
- 1 tbsp red chili powder (adjust to taste)
- 2 tsp coriander powder
- 1 cup coconut milk (thick)
- 1 cup water
- 1 tbsp tamarind paste or 3-4 kokum petals
- Salt to taste
- Fresh coriander leaves for garnish
Method:
- Prep the Fish:
- Rinse and pat dry the fish pieces.
- Lightly marinate with a pinch of turmeric and salt. Set aside.
- Heat the Base:
- In a deep pan, heat coconut oil over medium heat.
- Add mustard seeds; when they splutter, add curry leaves and sauté briefly.
- Add onions and sauté until golden brown.
- Build the Curry:
- Add garlic, ginger, and green chilies. Cook until aromatic.
- Stir in turmeric, chili powder, and coriander powder. Cook for 30-60 seconds.
- Add Liquids:
- Pour in coconut milk and water. Mix well.
- Add tamarind paste or kokum, and salt. Simmer for 5-7 minutes.
- The Critical Moment: Adding the Fish:
- Lower the heat to medium-low.
- Gently slide in the fish pieces – do not stir aggressively.
- Cover and cook for 7-10 minutes, until the fish is just cooked and holds its shape. Timing is crucial – overcooking will make the fish break, undercooking will leave it raw.
- Finish:
- Taste and adjust salt or tamarind.
- Garnish with fresh coriander leaves. Serve hot with steamed rice.
The Quiet Mastery of Timing
The best leaders, like the best chefs, don’t chase perfection through force. They know when to turn up the heat, when to reduce the flame, and when to simply let things be.
Leadership, like a Goan curry, involves more than just doing things right. It’s also about doing them at the right time.
Heat gives flavor. Patience gives depth. And trust – the invisible ingredient, holds it all together.
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